Isn’t it funny that we so often behave as if everything depends on ourselves? My trust in Jesus was strained and once, more I felt like giving up on my discernment. My biggest problem was reconciling the person I once was and am, with the person I could become. For me it was the proverbial turning a sow’s ear into a silk purse. There could be no depending on myself but only a sinking into the arms of Jesus, who would truly decide my future. I went to visit the tabernacle as often as possible, almost every day, sitting and praying for at least 15 minutes. As it is Florida and the sanctuary isn’t air-conditioned, I often moved away from the window and placed my bare feet on the cold, tile floor so I could stay longer.
During one of these visits to the Blessed Sacrament, a woman approached me in the church. She apologized for disturbing me and said her name was Angela. Then she asked if I were a nun. As I wasn’t wearing my chapel veil and only a blue sundress, it seemed unlikely she’d mistake me for a sister. However it occurred that perhaps Jesus himself meant to say something. Her name struck me as well, for the word angel means, “messenger”. I went home with confidence in my heart. It had been four weeks so I mailed Sister J. and told her that it seemed God’s will for me to enter.
She replied, seeming very glad for my decision. She also gave me two tasks: to complete a psychological evaluation, a standard process for applicants, and to pay off my college loan debt. If these two things were done, it would clearly show God’s will to enter the Mercedarian community.
I am happy to report that my psychological evaluation only yielded the diagnoses of ADHD. The doctor and I sat down and discussed some ways of working with it. Shadows from the depression of the past had been lifted, over time, many wounds healed. All this I credit to God’s grace alone. Moreso, my results said these past experiences would make me more empathetic to other’s sufferings, a good quality for a sister. I mailed the results to the Mother Superior.
Next I contacted Mater Ecclesiae, an organization that helps aspirants with student loan debt. They are currently in the process of updating their applications. The amount I owe is very large. Trusting God is necessary. He created the world, parted the Red Sea, made a Virgin conceive and raised the dead, certainly he can take care of this money! Jesus’s gentle hand has guided me through all of this and if he wants me to be a sister, he will provide. This is the only thing standing in the way of a future in service to our Eucharistic Lord, whom I love so greatly. If you would like to help whittle down my student loan debt, you can access my Go Fund Me site:
If you have nothing to give, I understand. The point of sharing this vocation story was to pass on the good news that Jesus changes lives. Your prayers are far more priceless. It is by your prayers and kindness that I will reach my destination., whatever it is. Thank you for reading and may God’s richest blessings be upon you.